new resolution: get camera, both digital and professional, and enjoy my young life. For way too long have i been a prudent young adult. I need to live my life. These are the years meant living. I plan to continue to work hard of course in college, but i need to find a way to take focus off my future and more about the present and enjoying every moment of it. whatever is suppose to happen, will happen…i hope..
I have told myself that I need to keep up with this because I need another outlet. ughh.
Its been like what a week? Yeah. Still a lot of stress and a lot of work. But its finally october and I can do the countdown til im 18. its really bittersweet thought…especially because I feel 18 doesnt represent the amount of experiences ive went through to get to where I am today…
back to college, stress on stress on stress. I am feeling a little more comfortable with my dorm life.. eh. I am still considering the move but I just dont know how it will affect everything esle ie: rotc, the relationships i sorta made here, is it the right choice? so much to consider. And because my roomate and i chose eachother, is that a slap in the face to her? I mean… at the same time.. i feel like she hasnt really made a point to be my friend like we had intended.. i dont know. sooo much..
oh yeah and the stress of school. ALL of my exams were in the 70s… that has never happened to me :( I am trying to focus and study and work myself but its so overwhelming and it doesnt help that where I live doesnt help/ make me feel comforatble. AHH i just want to find my niche, my puzzle piece. Honestly, now im considering rushing…not to “pay for my friends” but to be apart of a group that wants me… ugh whatever.
GOOD NOTES: i find out next week about BHA, going to a haunted house with some friends from class :) ( this is apart of my bday wishlist ) and realizing more that I dont need all these people to get through college.. its not high school anymore, so it is a little upsetting to see the group of people follow it that i thought would be great friends to me… but whatever, livee and learn.
Weds are brutal. I have ROTC, 8 AM (Bio Lab so super brutal) and then my day… ugh
not to mention at PT on monday i got attacked by ants, last night i actually thought about going to ER because my arms were completely swollen, red and completely rashed up! its so attractive… not.
speaking of attractiveness, im a little over all the scummy boys around here. especially the cute ones who know theyre cute.. its so annoying. and i hate not being able to just have a random hookup because im such a grandmaa wahhh. oh well…i guess ill just wait some more..
back to rotc, i dont know about it… i love the program so much but i was told my asthma may NEVER get waivered.. thats a problem. I cant have all this commitment for no reason.. ughh. how do i tell my mom too? because then i probably have to transfer.. and i still dont know how i feel about UD! i love it but theres something missing…im holding back but im not.. i dont know ahh!
so for a second post this has been a large amount of venting, but its was so needed.
outtt
I have encountered tumblr before but i need to seriously discpline myself to partake in this… some sort of outlet for the good and bad of this year..and i dont have time to write in a journal. anyways hopefully this time around i stick with it!
